Marriage Counselors

The wedding bells have chimed, the cake is growing stale, the presents are all unwrapped, and the honeymoon is over. The newlywed couple smiles at each other thinking how wonderful their lives are together. They adore referring to each other as "my wife" or "my husband". Soon the feeling of euphoria fades, and the seemingly happy couple begins to argue with each other. Both feel comfortable to let their true selves be exposed without knowing how to deal with each other's differences. Most couples who take their partner's hand in marriage do so without adequate preparation. Unfortunately, nearly half of all couples will end their marriage. The odds are stacked against newlyweds, and the only thing they can do to combat a seemingly doomed marriage is to speak with a marriage counselor. This will be a much better option then getting a divorce. Marriage counselors are not just for marriages that are about to end. Every marriage needs a marriage counselor for many reasons.

The only thing that makes men and women the same is being human. In every other aspect, men and women are completely different. Your spouse may seem like the perfect best friend before you married, but once you take the marital plunge, couples learn just how different they really are from each other. For instance, the time and attention that was once given to each other is now filled with the man's desire to assert his independence. The man wants to tinker with his toys alone while the woman wants his attention, especially when she is upset or feeling blue. Marriage counselors can help with this.

When men and women get married, they each join the union with certain expectations. A man might expect his bride to always be thin since he married a thin wife. After years of marriage and several kids later, the woman might gain weight. The women might expect her husband to continue making a decent living so she can stay at home and raise the kids. The man may suddenly loose his job, forcing his bride to work away from home. When expectations are not met, it can feel like your partner failed to deliver their end of the marriage contract. Marriage counselors can help with this.

Disagreements on large issues, like deciding how many children to have or what house to buy, can be difficult to work out. Some couples plan these issues out ahead of time to avoid these disagreements; however, small issues can ruin a marriage if not handled effectively too. Deciding which movie to watch on your date-night seems like a trivial decision, but if one partner feels neglected in this decision, it can lead to hostility and resentment. Other seemingly small issues can lead to major disagreements, like deciding when to have a child or where to celebrate your anniversary. Marriage counselors can help with this.

Infidelity or cheating is probably the most obvious reason to seek out marriage counseling. Some couples may refuse to seek counseling since the cheating spouse apologized and promised never to cheat again. Unfortunately, an apology cannot fix the damage done. The spouse cheated on will have a difficult time trusting again, while the spouse who cheated may cheat again if his or her reason for the infidelity is not solved and corrected. Cheaters always have a reason to cheat, even if it is not a conscious reason. This is why marriage counselors are needed.

When one or both spouses have a substance abuse problem or a mental illness, it is nearly impossible to have a good marriage. People who are under the influence of drugs or alcohol constantly cannot be themselves. If one spouse has a mental illness, the true self may be difficult to distinguish. It is extremely important that anyone with a substance abuse problem or mental illness seek out counseling. The spouse suffering from one of these issues can begin treatment alone, but the other spouse needs to get involved eventually to learn how to give appropriate support. Marriage counselors may not be the most appropriate help for a person with these issues, but they can help after the spouse is clean and sober, or is receiving treatment for a mental condition.

Look for a licensed marriage and family counselor both spouses feel comfortable around. You may be limited by your insurance company, but do not stick with a cheap counselor if they are not helping. Good marriage counselors will give you "homework" to complete. Some good marriage counselors will also have the couple do relationship building activities during the counseling session. Good marriage counselors help solve your problems and find creative solutions. In any case, give the marriage and family counselor at least a couple of sessions to determine your compatibility.